A breakup is like your favorite TV series coming to an end. It all started oh-so-good, hooking you up season every season. And then wrapping up so carelessly – as if drowning you in vivid memories and bitter tears. Upon learning this devastating turn of events, I’m sure people will tell you to “move on” and “get over it” quickly. But acceptance is an active process. It’s not an overnight party where you can get all wasted and wake up sober the following morning.
A whirlwind of emotions will come into the surface. It will be a long hard road of coping up with all the distress that this change will cause. The reservation that was once a table for two at your favorite Italian restaurant, will be a shot of vodka, all-alone at a cheap bar near your workplace. It’s either you hit rock bottom or it’ll keep you afloat. Either way, there will be a void that you’ll earnestly want to fill. You’re lost in your own island. Every corner looks familiar, you’re just not used to walking in it alone. There can be a million ways written on how to reclaim yourself after a break-up, but if you care for three more simple do’s, here’s my two cents about it.
Embrace the pain
Do not try to deny nor hide it. Cutting off ties with someone you love is never easy. It’ll bring you pain.
If you can, wrap yourself around it and turn it into an armor because it’s proof. It’s a part of the love you gave and lost. Take me as an example. It took me almost four years before I could recognize that it was my break-up that’s keeping me unhappy. Because I kept on trying not to face it, I became doubtful and evasive. Rejecting any form of adoration being poured towards me, mistaking it as a favor I need to return. At one point, I ended up not telling a single soul about how I truly feel about it. If I could describe myself at that moment, I was more than miserable. Alone and trying to galvanize what’s left on my pride after the relationship has ended.
The pain will be whichever you make it to be.
It could be a hidden bomb silently ticking, waiting to go off and produce more damage.
Or it could be a beautiful poem, open for a few to read but will be a keen reminder – that your heart has learned.
Being bold and showing your pain is an act of bravery. It takes courage to be out in the open and to be able to say that you’re not yet okay. So if you already did – you did well, sweetie.
Don’t let the breakup consume you
Break-ups can be a train-wreck to the emotions. It’ll be a part of you and it can leave a scar even after it has been healed. Yet no matter what the circumstances were, don’t let it fuel bitter feelings in your heart for a long time. Those ugly emotions will grow into hate and after a while, all your efforts to forget him will go to waste.
As I said, it’s perfectly natural to feel hurt.
Don’t let it cloud your judgment, it’s a trap that you shouldn’t let yourself fall into.
Have a look or even a quick glance at the brighter side. See the positivity that this new freedom may cause you.
- Re-discover independence and experience more of things you never thought you’ll be able to do again.
- Make plans, looking forward to things is good for you. Go to that girls’ night out with your besties, do bar-hoppings and tequila weekends that you usually decline on going.
- Surround yourself with family and friends who know and values your worth. You deserve that.
Learn to love again – starting with yourself
Whatever the outcome was, it doesn’t make you less deserving of love.
Know that you are a complete individual with or without the relationship you left behind.
It’s an experience, a hurdle where you should jump as high as you can and make your knees strong enough to keep your feet standing firmly on the ground. A challenge that was not intended to break you, but to make you remember. That the person who needs the love you want to pour to others is yourself. Often times we are too consumed on wanting to give others our affections when we’re the ones who need it the most. Make yourself count on your list. Look at the mirror and see the catch that he had to let go. There’s so much in you that can be and will be discovered – at the right time, with the right person.
Truth be told, no one wants a messy break-up. Although in one way or another, we’ll most likely all get through it. It’s a turned page, a chapter done and a book finished. If somehow it’ll re-open again, it must be fate. If not, why not try another genre and take the risk. In the end, the best way to reclaim your life back after a break up is when you finally admit to yourself that you’re ready with no reservations. When your arms are open-wide in mid-air, with no trace of fear, welcoming love as it comes rushing back to your life. There’s no too soon or too late in love. If it knocks, let it in. Only this time you are wiser to make it sit down the couch and take things slow.